apparently, i actually miss a lot..

The list goes on from lost loved ones, to people whom I haven't seen in quite a while, and to people who I don't talk to as much as I used to.
It's not like I'm emo because I most certainly am not. aha. They're just people who remind me of the good times, I suppose? I know I've met a lot of good people to fill in for the people who I don't talk to from the past, but I'd still rather have everyone ! haha just because I'm a selfish mother-- (:

Again, I must say I miss Jonathan. hahah Ugh but I need to get my letters in ASAP because I'm laggin' -_-

Piano Song - Meiko

aha hella mellow. I'm out.

you are not Penny Proud..

I'm sorry, but did I do something to make you act like a bitch ? Cause I don't recall talking to YOU. I'm glad I didn't react to anything since I didn't know what the f you were talking about because I so woulda gone bad. lmfao, but luckily, I didn't because you woulda messed up. aaaaaaaaaahaha. ew i sound like a bitch myself. good day

you're exactly my brand of heroine.

dude, what the; why am i such a hopeless love ? like I rely on thinking that "someone" is holding my happiness ransom until i find that person, but wth i know my true happiness isn't in finding my one true love. I know God truly makes me happy, but sometimes I don't really know how to feel because I don't feel it as much as i believe it. yaknow ?

Maybe I'm just a little bummed out because I can be honest to say I started to crush on someone but then it didn't turn out like I intended it to be ?

Anyways, I ran into an old relationship from the past. I was pretty amazed to see him since I hadn't since we were officially "talking". Our communication sucked pretty bad since most of the time our relationship was over the phone -_- but despite the fact that I rarely saw him, I had quite a few feelings for him than I did for anyone else.. well, I think. I don't want to have a whole blog about him so getting to my main point.. it was AWKWARD when I saw him.. a silent side hug was all we gave. Me, the one who always makes the first move, tried to start a conversation, but too bad it was only a one way street because he totally ignored me and walked away.
Okay, I'll admit I missed him, but just because he was the only one who I felt proud of talking to since he was the type I wanted in a guy -- eheheheek ! I don't want to speak of this anymore, I'm finished.



goodnight

On it.

Oh Yup; Pardon the inconvenience with my state of manner. Serious to say, don't fuck with me.



...But I do believe he is the fanciest of them all.

puhhlayed.

..not to the max, but just for right now because it seems like I don't talk to anyone at night anymore. LOL what the Thursday, already ? kicket at Ritz's tomorrow and we're going to watch twilight. OH and finally going to my ortho because I'm like... a month late due to all my rescheduling. lmfao ! hella bad.
I decided I'm going to do try-outs for cheer ! & Senior year I'm going to attempt to run for like student body secretary or something ?! Lol i need some achievements in my high school career. OH and god willing apply for a job and get my permit after my birthday ! I'm being hella ambitious right now, idk why.


...-- Well carry on, folks. Good day(:

Tell me why...

... you think San Diego STATE University(SDSU) is a UC school when it obviously isn't. It's a STATE and it says it in the name, lmfao. You can't base your facts on sports divsions, haha maybe they're just good ! you're probably talking about UCSD, which stands for University of California San Diego. You can't dogg me in colleges because I already had a whole project/final on them. Bwuahaha. Ew, & I can't believe you're aiming in the same direction I want to go(; Totally stealing my idea of moving to So Cal. aha

Anyways... I won this argument and you so cut me off because you're scared that I'm right ! lmfao ! Amethyst>Jalen anyydaaaay, yO :D


Goodnight !

To: My Everything

Happy Birthday to the only nigga that I could keep up with throughout everything. Thick and thin we got each other like none other and it's always going to stay that way forever and ever. I must say dealing with this girl is the hardest task anyone can ever do, but I swear she's my enemy and love at the same time. haha If she were a boy, she'd be my life time lover; but if she were just a friend, I'd hate the hell out of her(; lmao oh yup.
Compare us right now, and you'll see how much alike we are. I guess kinda looks, but feelings too. She cries, I cry. I laugh, she laughs etc etc. it's always like that ! even with our menstrual cycles, brehh ! HATERS FOR LIFE? yes, that's including Ashley too because we're the ULTIMATE HATERS, suck on that suckas.
Drama and Boys can try to get between us but all I gotta say is GTFO and take your weak ish with you because its never going to happen anymore. think again, we got this curse on check(;
South City and Sacramento is a pretty long commute, but who gives a ---... We talk all the time and grow more and more each day. I can say this girl has been a huge impact in my life spiritually and emotionally. The only one who helped me realized my mistakes and stuck there with me until the end. Love, I swear, I got you will never leave our aim profiles nor ever ever be anyone else's quote because its MINE AND HERS and its been since... three years ago ?
Well.. I'm pretty speechless right now because I wanted to blog and all this was at the top of my head, so again I say Happy Birthday, Mainsqueeze/ Everything/Ugly/Chink/Homeboy/Pancakes etc etc... I love you<3
>
*LMFAO, holllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(;

Got a hold of me.

I'm slowly falling and its hard to get right side up. I'm getting pulled down as I try to make my way to my feet. I'm confused. I know what's right, but why do i look back to what I know is wrong ?

Assurance we can't see

Lately, I haven't been acting the way that I should. Old habits are coming back and I'm just letting it get the best of me. I let my emotions take control and I just go wherever it leads me and thats something I shouldn't be doing. I seem to always stay on the dark side and strive for the brighter, but I notice i never really make an effort. Doesn't make any sense, right ? As much as I want it to be a brighter day, I find myself rather just hoping for the best to come around. "Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? (Luke12:25)" It's not even that I'm dead on sad or emotional or anythinig because I can be happy. I can look around me every day and work my mind open, my heart, to see and appreciate the beauty that is everywhere. "Our hearts ache, but we always have joy...(2Corin6:10)"

I know there's something waiting for me somewhere along the road, but I can't seem to stay patient anymore. I feel like I've given up a little, but I dont want to admit that because that just shows how weak I can be. Trusting God fully means trusting him even when we don't understand why events occur as they do.
I know God has a purpose in every aspect in my life. It's hard walking down a road not knowing whats going to come up next whether its good or bad. "Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything.. (Philippians4:6)" but I guess thats where having faith comes in..

I'd rather go have calamari

Yay for three-day weekends ! I swear, we've had so many holidays these past two months but too bad after Spring Break that's going to be the last of it :l
Saturday and Sunday felt pretty sad for me. I miss Jonathan a lot ! I'll admit I still cry but I know everythings going to be alright. Ugh hes coming back, its just idk.. right now i'm all over the place. I want to write more to him one time though so when i send my letters, there's going to be a jillion. Omg wth, I came to realize that my ex boyfriend is a convict ! :( uhhh... HAHAHA

So to make my sad days happy I requested an "Amee, Ritzy, and KK kickit" today. What the, bopper at Serramonte? Ugh I swear, we NEVER intended on NOT buying anything but thats just how it went. Ritz left to hang out with Benny and KK came over. Yay for pictures ! haha i love her !










The remedy for my bad days ! (:

... Well, besides my family of course.

whats really good ?

These random kisses seem to be on a daily basis now, so whats really ? aha(; holla

Signs - Snoop Dogg Featuring Justin Timberlake

that don't kill me, only makes me stronger.

Yay intensive innovation. i'm out.

i just want you around

I miss you, but why is it that when you're around its just whatever to me ?
There was one point where I took you for granted and I'm so sorry. Stay strong in there.

" Let not your heart be troubled. Believe in God..." John 14:1

FREE TONTON !

what the, "FREE JONATHAN" ?

Wow ! Everything is so sudden ! its so crazy how all this happens when we don't even talk anymore. I kinda have this feeling inside me that's saying I took him for granted. I totally forgot that his court was this month ! Maybe that was why he called me up Friday night ? but still.. he had the weekend to get back at me after i called and texted. RAWR ! I was hella thinking about it in class and I still remember the days that I cared so much about everything ! I was always crying and when that day finally came I wasn't even..... here?
Although, I'm not his girl; I still want to be there for him like I was. EXCEPT THE CUPCAKIN PART. aha but I liked being there for him. hhhh, idk....
damn i need to stop thinking of what I think is true and really just get out there to know the truth.. I asked all his boys what was up with him because I told them that we stopped talking for a while and I thought he was mad at me but they just told me to write him !... I'M KINDA SAD NOW ! hahahah ugh I have to write to the deng guy while hes in jail ! :l
Everyone is getting locked up, one after the other. stupid Benny " It's like when one comes back, they got to take another in ! " but that's really whats going down. First Mikey, now Jonathan.. what the and i heard John is next ? who knows..

FREE JONATHAN !

i hope your parana bite.

" Oh What's Good? " We killed our little performance in front of ASB though. holla holla holla. Aw, good times bonding with a couple of the cool kids in dance ! LIP SYNC RALLY THIS FRIDAY ! I'm pretty excited !

So I realized... I'm a hella hopeless love ! Good things come to those who wait, so I'm giving up for now. Kissing Dating Goodbye ? I suppose so !...again ! hahaha
But I'll still be around when I see a nigga passin' by(;



howla, g'night.

you're too good at pretending you don't care.

Aw; this weekend has been pretty fun ! I'm glad I'm not at any stage where I'm like super emo or anything. Haha But what is amazing is I'm getting back on track with my walk with God and I'm beginning to gain more and more trust for my parents. I just had a girl talk with my mom. It's crazy to even say I have girl talk with her because I never really imagined it until like.. I was out of high school ?

I got to talk to my mom about the big J-O "bonifide" Bonifacio. lmfao lmfao lmfao ! Thats code i guess ? " JO Bonafide " LOL anyways.. I told her whats been going on and my feelings on this whole situation. she thinks I should talk to him about it and like what his intentions were when he asked me out and why he even did it out of the blue. I still want to be friends with him, I never wanted anything to change between us because i liked everything the way that it was but FYI, I never intended to hurt him or lead him on. UGH and I know the problem for this WHOLE matter was because I said " yes" but WTH ! what do you say when you have the whole scene going on ? You cant just shatter someon's dreams right then and there ! (stupid giorn) aha but you have to let em down slowly and thats what I did ! I guess he doesn't care anymore since he doesnt talk to me, but rraaawr ! i'd rather have you not talking to me on good terms than on bad, i suppose?

Oh yeah, I wanted to post this picture up because i love ritz !

OH OH OH ! I understand football now ! :D well okay just the gyst but whatever ! I know my positions now ! thanks to my favorite cousin ever(;
ask me bout it, brehh ! I'd happily answer what position it is ! hahahah

OMG this time change sucks so much ! Goodnight

sock you in the throat, breh !

Yes, you're the best definition of a jerk(;

Hehe....HSM3 was pretty cute, even though i fell asleep xD

I'm so about to ktfo. Today wasn't like "ALL THAT AND A BAG OF CHIPS !", but it was indeed a fun day. I love being this happy. I swear, I love good laughs !

I love my youth group, I love my friends, I love my family, and I absolutely love my God !



goodnight, folks.

straight ?

"Damn the Truth does hurt!"

wow, is this something that I should be concerned about? Ugh ! Did I do something to hurt you, because i honestly don't recall myself doing anything wrong. Why is it that you always have an away expressing what you have to say, but you can't even talk to me about it ? I really don't even know why I care so much anyways.. I don't like you the way you think I do. I hope you didn't get misunderstood especially considering the fact that there was never a time where you even asked about my feelings. la la la... oh yeah, btw, thanks for flaking on me; Mhmmm...


-------------------------------------------------------------


ANYWAYS !

Even though i feel kinda.. pissed ? I'm happy. I think this is actually a decent smile that's on my face(:
Dance is going great, I'm so happy that I'm catching on and I'm actually doing pretty well. Aw, and we're like growing closer ! i love our little bonds after practice ! it's fun ! good times, good times ! OH BTW, our lip sync rally performance is NEXT FRIDAY ! omg, wake up call right ? but I'm doing good. no stress, no stress, no stress...

Schools going pretty well, I'm doing pretty fine in all my classes. OH ! So for biology, I thought having the biggest, quietest, geek in my class was going to be BAD but its not too bad. ugh I'm so stereotypical right :( I need to stop judging. But anyways, we finished our project ! hella quick, it wasn't even that hard. She's hella nice too(:

So, I think.. I...um... have a....uh... crush? .... possibly ?... maybe ?... aha who knows(; Aw, someone who I kinda actually like, right !! but idk kouz i don't want to fess up to anything just yet because they might not even be my real feelings.

airballin13 (10:22:24 PM): yea i guess cuz...
airballin13 (10:24:53 PM): ..special
onelilcrazypnay (10:26:12 PM): kouz what.... ?
onelilcrazypnay (10:26:14 PM): haha im special ? Lol
airballin13 (10:28:36 PM): yup =)

Jalen is cute, he seems like a hella chill guy who I would want to get to know better. Ew, He's jock.. aha, i only said ew because jock sounds like a hella cliche word that people label people in movies.. LOL but jalen's a jerk.. who knew jocks could be jerks too ! aha Well we talk like every night ! Aha I guess we flirt. rawr, idk ! aww. i miss having crushes !

k, I'm getting off soon ! dude sleeping in is NO BUENO ! i need to wake up early now. muahah I'm out(:

fly as hell swagga right brown skin poppin.

what the weezy right ? So this week is going alright. this weather is killin me though :( It's rainy all round. & the sky likes to tease because the sun comes out for like fifteen minutes. ahah so tomorrow is early release but i kinda don't want to go to dance eh, boo ! i barely talk to anyone well except for Justine, but really if she doesn't do the dance then i really dont want to either kouz hahaha its not crackin..

Thursday is late start because the freshmen and all the people who didn't pass the HART test have to take it ! suckas ! lol i want to go to ihop with those flemies ! Lol oh but I'm not a hersh, btw ! xD AW so joshy cut his hair ! i forgot to blog the other day so I'm saying it now ! aw he looks like a baby now ! ahah but omg omg omg ! so in PE we were in the weight room and i was checking him out, but i didn't know it ! LMFAO LMFAO LMFAO ! omg well i caught myself after he looked at me kouz i was on the pectoral fly while he was sitting on the bench press thingy. aaaaaaaahahahahahahhaha anyways...

Anynews? hmm. well I'm trying to keep my distance with Jonathan now. like I'm actually doing it. I don't always make a move to say hi to him when hes with his boys at school.. like i try to forget he's there so i keep walking ? aha and I don't text him " good morning " or " goodnight i love you " anymore because i feel like I'm leading him on anyways. I hate feeling deprived from talking to other guys because ugh ! -- I'm not even with the brehh so idk why i care so much.

OH ! i got my book ! " Love, Blood, and Everything in Between " COME SEE ME ON THE FRONT COVER, BABY ! officially a published author. aha how's that for college apps ? eheheek ! well i'm out for now. I'm getting lazy. talking to ejalen makes me want to get a concussion and ktfo or something(;



peace.

all I have in this world is a pistol and a promise. a fist full of dollars, a list full of problems...

what the weezy f baby ? thats all i've been listening to lately.. but Rawr, so this week has not been the business though. eheheek, no but really I had so many plans for this weekend and I didn't do it all because I thought we would be busy, in the end we didn't do ANYTHING ! we stayed home. That was pretty much freakin wack -__-

Saturday it was either a kicket with Kk & Ritz, or Ava's birthday dinner party. I didn't go because we were supposed to go to Tita Elsa's viewing but Tiff's friend, Mel came over unexpectedly ? uhm yeah. gtfo here ! I wasn't tripping that much because I also knew there was another service Sunday so yeah...

Sunday, we woke up, and went to church. There was like nobody there but me, tiff, matthew, jocelyn, and jenn so we ended up going to pho to fellowship? (: that was good though. Came back to the church and stayed with tiff because I guess Mel had to talk to Armando about getting a new car ? or get some tips on buying cars. Me and tiff went to polly anne's to get green tea and strawberry ice cream, then we went to eggettes to eat it together. IT IS AMAZING HOW LONG WE STAYED THERE. of course out of the blue, her friend comes to join us. raawr. then we went back to the church, fell asleep in the youth group room then woke up to go back downstairs and talk with armando. WTF the talk was like ten mins ! HAHA woow really though. we waited like an hour and half. Tiff is so weird sometimes ! but its cool i guess kouz we ended up hanging out after that. But really ugh what annoys me the most is how tiff like thinks its okay to bring her friends along anytime she wants. Like when it was me, her, ate andrea, and ken. Mel comes out of NOWHERE and ends up staying with us the whole time we were there. like wth though. or yesterday when she came over and nobody even knew? rawr no more ish talking..ANYWAYS...

we hung out at the mall for a little bit to look at shoes, then they dropped us off. I watched shoot em up finally ! there is barely any bomba in that movie ! Lol like really, its all shooting and blood ! ahah then tiff comes in my room telling me the service is at 6 ! and it was like already 5:57 ? wow and i asked my mom what was up and shes like idk i'm still cooking. so i'm like woooooow. I was pretty irritated. like at the table i just really didnt give a damn. LOL I think its because of my period. no bueno. my dad was like why arent you eating your onions ? you know thats the key to long life. I was like oh ok. and then hes like you don't care? and I was like no not really. and then AWW my dad was like well I do and smiled. MY DAD LOVES ME<3 hahah aww i love him, even when i'm mad. ahah

so after dinner i went in my room and ended up reading my diary from 05-06 ? What the, i was hella different ? from Ghetto to wanna-be ghetto ? lmfao come see me now ! Ew, I was sucha corndog(; Muahah ! OMG and you know what else I found ? blast from the past, if you know what i'm saying ! LISTEN TO IT ! lmfao lmfao lmfao I'm effing famous ! :D aha justkidding but aw, this brings back goodtimes.. kinda

amethystsigns-cj and paulg.mp3 -



CJ AND PAULG LOVE ME ! ahah ! well yeah i'm getting tired. In conclusion, today was alright. even though I went from being hella pissed, to happy, to whatever I am now. I still got to give it up to God for everything ! (:






Howla.