caught in a rut.

.. I like him..

tumblr?

.. But I'm not telling you(:


you have to look for me. Pwuahaha.

PEACE.

i miss us.

THE ULTIMATE HATERS.

"STAAR" SISTERS.

i miss last summer so much ! I had so much more memories in probably a month than what I have right now. From dress shopping and getting things ready for Tiff's debut, to days at the pier and taking retakes from three summers ago ? aha. Or being HELLA loud at tapioca express because it was like our whole family laughing or Jessica blowing in Desiree's nose. Or making stupid videos because we were sippin' on that haterade and the stupid drama that always makes our summers memorable. My summer is just okay. I barely have any week long family time hangouts because summer school and cheer is killin' my time ! Definitely miss my girls to the max though ! 6 school days left till I bounce that beeeots. Counting down the days ! :D

weaksauce.

Dude, idk where I'm at right now. I'm so confused with what I want and what I need. The message at bible study really stuck out to me because it was talking about how we need to trust God in order to surrender our life to Him. In our little break out group one of the questions was " What areas in life are easier to surrender to God? Which areas are more difficult? Why do you suppose this ?" First thing that came to mind was my bad habits that I really need to let go of; I automatically thought of my relationships with guys. For some reason its an area of my life that I think is difficult to let go of. I know I'm quite capable of being independent and living my single life but idk for some reason I always want to be in a relationship of some sort. Not exactly a boyfriend but I guess "talking" to someone. I'm not even sure of WHY i strive for someone all the time when I'm pretty darn sure the only guys that I "talk" to are the ones that are no good for me or that I know I shouldn't even be talking to.
But it's like the only reason why I want it so bad is because of the happiness I feel for the moment and then when it's over I'm good while it lasts. Then when I start to lose that good feeling, I try going back to the source. Ugh, its so stupid ! I tell myself that I really want to surrender my life to God, but when I think of these things I know I haven't completely gave my all. What's surrendering ?
*SURRENDER [suh-ren-der]
-verb (used without object)
6. to give oneself up, as into the power of another; submit or yield.
I don't really understand why it's so hard for me to let go of something that I know in the long run will only hurt me. I'm just praying right now. Got to trust God and move forward.

" The Lord says, 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. '
Psalms 32:8

Turn it down.

Uhmm, I believe I need to take these feelings down a notch. Put em back in my glass jar and hide it because I feel like I'm starting to get caught up. Idk, it's just because I don't want to put my feelings on the line when I don't even know what's happening in the long run. Like what we have is pretty cool and I'm enjoying it but I'm not trying to get caught too deep into this hole i dig myself into. "I like you this much" .
Womp Womp Womp.

Today was fun ! I love having family time(: The good family talks make me happy and proud to have such a great family with a great bond. Tomorrow's FRIDAY! Yay !
Well I was just 'webjammin' with Desiree a while ago but now I'm fallin asleep forsure. I meea her. haha. Well...
Until tomorrow...Goodnight world.

ooooooohkieee

So today was pretty fun ! Ugh, i hate how I lie to my parents about who I'm with though -__- but for the least I'm not lying about where I am. (:

Hehe well.. These past few days I haven't been sleeping late because someone doesn't call me back. LOL but its all good, I guess it's nice to have a break from sleeping at like 4AM every once in a while.
Woke up early and took a shower, which is rarely because I hate having to deal with fixing my hair in the short time that I have and what not but just blow drying it came out fine. After walked to KK's house and stayed there for about half an hour because I didn't want to wait at BART for him. When he came it was like 2 ? and the bus never came until like 2:35 ! haha oh well, it was nice just sitting there and talking I guess. The bus ride was pretty.... lovely(; oh surprise surprise ! I love them, He he. When we got Serramonte it was like 3 already and we went to McDonald's so he could get THREE McChickens and down them all one after the other ! haha well he had two and a half because he gave the other half to his homeboy Vika. Pretty cool fellow, haha he's pretty funny too !
So us three were there for about.. 3 hours? haha Yzzree, hella long ! Just so happen to run into Ton-ton and his boys too ! & please tell me WHY things felt like they were gettin' hot when he saw me with yeah and his boy ? Dude " Tell your homeboy I said hi " wth is that supposed to mean though ? I wasn't scared it was just, I've never ever seen you like this ! Through the two years I've known you; and four months with you gone, you come back thinking EVERYTHING is going to be the same and just because you see me with another n/gg, you and your boys are gonna try and pull something ? Nah, that's not even the business. Idk, at first I was kinda shocked because I didn't know that your feelings were still that strong and I guess I thought it was cute for a second.... Then I thought about it again and NAH you can't be expecting so much when we barely talk.
Aww but dude, poor kidd was hella paranoid after. LOL he's gone though so much ish with all my friends ! LMFAO. its cool though. (;
Well, A WEEK AND A HALF TILL SCHOOL IS OVER ! haha maybe by then my summer will FINALLY start -__- Sac one time ? haha
haha, well until next time...

PCE !

(6:04:03 PM): You my girl!

Aha, I'm disregarding the IM after that though... aha Wow, I guess I proved myself wrong in this whole game that we play. I thought my difficulty level could withstand this "thing" we have but I don't even know(; Its because you know my weaknesses! LOL & that's bad !
(5:44:44 PM): :-)
(5:44:50 PM): Imy
(5:44:55 PM): :-)
(5:45:03 PM): Imy!
DUDE; I'm trippin' yo, but most definitely not falling ! Uhmmm, I don't know. Aha I really enjoy having these happy giddy feelings everyday. And the big butterflies in my stomach. Haha, and the small arguments we have that you back down to !!!!(;
(5:30:03 PM): Idont wanna be mad at you
(5:30:10 PM): Kay?
Ehehee. Oh ! And I can't forget the "surprises". I'm sure there's much more but Igig, we'll see...

Trouble Sleeping - Corinne Bailey Rae

Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'll never give in
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me I don't see myself
Couldn't I blame something else?
Just don't say I'm falling in love

Long time

..No blog though !

Deng, I used to blog like every day too ! haha Hmm, Because I haven't been too emotional to blog bout anything i guess or because there's not really any news. Well there is, but .. we'll see where this entry takes me.

My summer is not the business this year :( Last year was super crackin, but this one is just.. okay. It's because I haven't entirely been with family a whole lot. Too busy with summer school, and cheer. But its pretty cool because I wouldn't want to be stuck at home not doing anything either.

I miss being with family so much ! like to sleep overs that lasted a week or so. Or the late night hypes ! Aww, goodtimes. Then again maybe because this year is a break from all the cotillions. Geez, imagine when Liana finally has hers ? next one would be... JADE ! Oh Cripes, that's seven years after mine. IM GOING TO BE OLD ! :l hahaha
Well, actually there is going to be family parties this year ! Both of my grandma's are having parties for their birthday. My grandma on my dad's side is having a bigger party then usual because it might be her last birthday =/ God willing, her stay here extends.

And for my grandma on my mom's side, its supposed to be a surprise party + Uncle Dennis' birthday. woot woot, can't wait ! aha my mom's asking that we do a dance again just for fun. Bring on the cute choreographers for me and my homeboyee !(; haha but it's nothing serious, we just want another highlight for our summer. Ahahaha hella bad !

DUDE, lmfao another blog about Desiree ?

i miss her !! :( hahah I swear, i'm so lost when we go for a long period of time without each other. eheheheek ! Dude, seriously. Every time me and or her are in something we ALWAYS have the same problem. HAHA

So here I am again in my same situations, I hate it so much ! Frontin about my feelings and what not ? Not that cute. I'm pretty happy about things but, there's always that one little problem that just so happens to be the big main problem. Hella kickets on the low. I guess we kinda crossed that thin line, but aha I kinda already had the feeling that it was bound to happen, I just didn't know when. My guards are up and they're pretty sturdy so I'm sure I won't be falling anytime soon. I'll just see where things go, i suppose.

PCE.

womp.

Back to listening to Secondhand Serenade....

Suprises.

Same crap, different person each time.
But, I'm hoping this ones different from the rest.