blessed

Today is Christmas EVE ! yaaay ! I feel excited, but not really. I dont entirely feel the Christmas spirit that I felt when I was younger. I frickin' miss that feeling though ! Opening ONE gift on Christmas Eve, Reciting a Bible verse just to get money from Grandma, All the Cousins singing Christmas songs. Urggh ! It's too bad that we've all grown older and we rarely do those traditions anymore; but I'm glad that this year on my de la Pena side we're going to be doing questionaires with all the girl cousins so we can grow closer and i guess ahha let out what we have to say I guess or tell each other how we feel about some people. LOL ! idk, i hope its nothing bad though. OH ! and we're doing Gingerbread houses again. I'm happy because this is my familiy's first time doing it. Booooo !! We didnt do it the first time because we went to RENO for the Holidays. who SKIPS Christmas and goes to Reno ? I know I was being pretty bitchy and what not but it was just because I was so used to having my WHOLE family with me on christmas and being loud instead of watching tv in a hotel room. Hhaha. This year is coming to an end pretty soon. Man, it went by SO FAST ! i was just looking at 2007 New Years Photos and I was like MANN ! that didn't even feel like that was last year. haha I can say this year has been good to me. God has blessed me with everything I need. I've grown closer to God, I've grown closer to my parents, and School's going GREAT ! I 'm glad I persued most of my new years resolutions. haha the only thing that was left out was " being a better violin player" luckily, I quit ! :D oh and the whole boy part. Ehh ! its whatever.. I need to be patient though, I know that God knows my life and has a perfect timing for EVERYTHING. well It's already like 630 and I still need to take a shower and get ready ! haha I'm sure i have enough time though because my mom is still cooking. Well HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE !(:

life sucks

..Life can be a mother--.. Personally i'm not going through hella ish at this moment, but i have. can't go on and on about how much pain and troubles i've gone through kouz it's probably not a lot compared to other people. Life can either bring you up or kick you in the ass.. I've gone through stupid boy problems, drama, the loss of family, maybe not a close friend but i've lost a couple and it does suck ! but whatever, you get me right? A tragic death can actually teach a lesson. Maybe to live life to the fullest, or not to take anything or anyone for granted. It's a cycle, you're born, you live your life, then BOOM you're dead. As a Christian and losing people who are Christian, its actually just a celebration of life. I think it's because you've lived your purpose. Maybe that's why I'm doing pretty good. I want to live my purpose here on earth so I can die already... kouz " What does this earth have for me that heaven doesnt ?"... I found out it was to save. My purpose here on life is to advertise and show people the path that leads to God. Maybe it's being a good influence, or just inviting a friend to bible study....Before i understood what my purpose here on earth was, I can honestly say there were times where i felt like crap. Wanted to be a bad ass and drink my problems away, or smoke it off, maybe even add a few cuts here and there. But that was before I really wanted to give my life up to God. I realized there is more to life than just my problems and being a rebellious bad ass. I can't say that I'm the best role-model for being a Christian, but I'm stil trying. It's hard balancing up my life and choosing the right kind of friends. Especially choosing the kinds of guys I want to date. I've gone through being cheated on, played, taken advantage of, whatever.. if you know me that well, you know a few of my stories..As good as having a boy on the side sounds, it can seem absolutely great; but really there's so many strings attached to it. I'm not trying to say " BOYS ARE BAD, I SHOULDN'T DATE EM !" I just need to be serious about them. Choose wisely because I know boy's arent a priority, just an accessory. It's hard being patient but if I have enough faith to carry on, I can do it with God's help.

Thank you, Lord!

no "goodbye's" just "see you around's"

"tomorrow's not promised..."

friCk ! ='( omg ! this sucks so badly. I'm not even worrying over a guy relationship or anything anmore. It's about my friend. Ugh ! So I met him my freshman year through my cousin. haha He was trying to get at me because he thought I was " cute " and I thought it was cute that he was trying. I guess you can say we were talking for a little. I think he had a crush on me that whole year ! I really admired him though. He was actually a good friend and someone nice to talk to. Aww i remember He was my Valentine; even though he wasnt the first pick. That really sucked because the guy who really was my valentine totally didnt even get me anything and he ended up being a jerk few weeks later... Then later on that year he asked me to go to Junior Prom with him. It was so cute the way he asked me because we had fourth period right next to each other and we would always hang out before the bell rang. One day he gives me a note and of course i'm like " wth is this ? haha " but he tells me not to open it until I leave so right after I left I opened the note on the way to getting to my seat and it says " Amethyst, Will you go to Junior Prom with me? <3 Jonathan " THAT WAS THE CUTEST EVER . UGH ! I still hecka wish I went with him, but my parents said no. He promised me he would take me to his Senior Ball though, so that was really good (because my parents said I couldnt go to any of these Balls/Proms until I was a sophomore). This year we still talk. He waits for me after 5th period and we walk to my 6th period class every day ! I like it because it shows he hella cares for me.. Lately he hasnt been making the wisest choices. He's been getting into a lot of drama and it may concern him not even graduating from el camino. It really makes me sad because I care for him a lot. I'm not sure if I have feelings for him. Maybe I do ? If I do like him then I totally regret blowing him off for jerks. He was there for me through ALL the bad relationships, and I never really saw that.
So he texted me yesterday saying "iono is this is the last time i get to talk to yu maybe on thursday or somthin but i jus wana say ima miss you and ill cyu round " that totally made me wonder what was going on. He told me he might be getting locked up and he said he doesnt know if he'll be seeing me as much anymore.

(10:17:24 PM): hopefully i get to see yuh in tha morning
(10:17:56 PM): omg im gonna be sad.
(10:18:21 PM): nah dnt be
(10:18:27 PM): ill be around
(10:18:50 PM): but what if youre not ? =(
(10:19:05 PM): dnt worry
(10:19:07 PM): i will
(10:19:47 PM): you better be. hahah
(10:19:58 PM): hahah i promise
(10:20:17 PM): but tomarrow if you get to school early let me know so i could say my goodbyes
(10:20:28 PM): -__-
(10:20:36 PM): nooo goodbyes !
(10:20:59 PM): just " see you around's "
(10:21:18 PM): yah alright we'll call it that

I'll admit I was crying when we were talking. I really care about him, and if he does get locked up i'm really going to miss him a lot ! I dont want him to go! I hate how i never really noticed how much I cared about him till I find out he's bound to leave for a long time. Maybe I like him ? Or Maybe I just care about him a lot. I'm just praying for the best.


*Free Mikey !

the rest was up to you..

<3why don't we hit restart and pause it at our favorite parts...

confuzzled ?

I miss you. I think ? Not like things are any different. Just the status. I'll admit I did fall too fast. Never usually happens..Wait it has happend before, but not usually. I still have that unsatisfied feeling that there is still things I want to say, its just i don't know what it is. I don't want you to feel bad because i don't really care. This is something I most definitely shouldn't be worrying about. Don't baby me because I can take care of myself. Maybe I'm mad ? I know I'm past sad though. I was used to not talking to you. Only seeing you once a week or even less. I'm glad i had my close friends and family by my side to help me realize what I was doing wrong. Haaa & If it wasn't for them, I probably wouldn't be feeling this way right now. Maybe we would have still been "talking" but in a wrong way. I would taking every wrong turn and turn every problem into an excuse; like waiting patiently until you realized I was still there behind you the whole time, waiting to see if you really noticed that I was going to be there for you always. but I don't think you did until i finally told you how much it sucked to be just a girl on the side. I hate catching the feelings too fast. I wanted something to come out of this relationship. Or maybe something will come out. Just not yet. I hate how I say I can do things, but when it gets to the point I totally freak out and never do what was intended. Like totally wanting a friendship before a relationship ? Yeah never worked out. I'm still waiting for someone like that to come by. Maybe there is someone under my nose. I just feel like crap. I really want us to be still be FRIENDS,like we agreed on; but I honestly don't know what that is between me and you because we never experienced it. We skipped that big step and went into the loveyduvey junk. Not good not good not good because "true love waits." Just want you to know I'll always be here for you, and I miss you.. Ahh frick, i hate hiding my feelings, it sucks.