it's sweetend, my sweet.

Aw today was actually really good. Double dating is pretty cool off top. Honestly, aha I've never been on the whole dinner at night, walk around the city, kind of date. Haha, I usually just go to the movies and whatever restaurant is near but tonight was pretty cool. Benny was kinda spotlight though because he was the only one crackin jokes, and Ritz was the only one who I was really talking to. Idk, Jonathan was kinda quiet but it's all good(:

First they picked me up and they all met my dad because my mom wasn't home yet. Haha It was funny because I could tell Jonathan was kinda scared. LOL oh well Aww and then before we left my dad was like " You guys be safe, make sure you take care of my jewel ! " AWW haha my dad loves me<3 LOL. After that we headed to the Cheesecake Factory. In the parking garage, they locked me and Ritz in the back seat, then they came to both of our doors with a rose LMFAO. it was so funny because the VERY first thing Jonathan said was " Benny told me to do this ! " HAHAHAH omg, really though ? LOL. So after we walked to cheesecake factory and requested our seats, I guess the boys wanted to sit outside on the patio magig. So yeah we sat there and we got some wack table because there was no heater =( Oh well, it was all good though. HAHA i love how we ALL got full off the appetizers, then when our food finally came we didnt even eat it all. Lol oh well. After, we got cheesecake as desserts. BENNY ASKED RITZ TO PROM it was so cute because the waiter put it on the table and around the rim of the plate it said in chocolate " will you go to the prom w/ me ? " HAHA ' the prom ' that was pretty cute.

After Cheesecake, we started walking around the city. Well we only went to like.. Westfield mall for a little then we headed to the car kouz i think the mall was starting to close. We didn't know what to do after. kinda wanted to go watch a movie but me and Ritz had to be home before 10 or something... So they kidnapped us and we ended up going to ocean beach for a little. it was hella cold ! but it was all good. me and Jonathan were talking about school, and like growing up and everything.. then my mom called me up and said i had to be home soon so yeah after that we left....
They dropped me off at home and they met my mom..... Tonight was good. I'm glad my mom got to meet Jonathan too to see who he was and all that shabang...

Straight up... I kinda feel like I'm deprived from other guys because of Jonathan. I mean ugh. I'm not even with the guy; even when I was, it didn't feel like we were together. I love him but I'm not in love with him the way he is for me. I especially don't want to be on lock down either just because of him. Ugh idk.. Maybe I don't do ish bout it kouz I don't want to hurt him? Who knows. RAWR maybe that's why I'm just waiting until he graduates to finally carry on because that's the only time i don't completely see him i guess. I just want to be friends, but I don't know if that's what he wants to be. Maybe if he talked more things would be easier...


RAWR I'm getting tired. I have a headache. Tonight was good though. I'm glad my parents trust me and I got to tell them the wholeeeeeeee truth (: well I'm out now. Goodnight.

maybe we can find a good place to keep a lovin' state of mind.

Today was like... really good.. but random too... oh and kinda moody? I think I'm getting my el periodo soono ! wack sauce to the max ! anyways so I'm going to start off from this morning.

OMG i freaking woke up at 730 ! &thats when I usually start putting on makeup. Kouz wow this ugly kept me up ahha justkidding. Uhmm okay so I told my dad I was going to dance practice after school kouz Intensive Innovation asked me to go.. but anyways my dad started to get mad at me ? who the corn knows whatsup. LOL he was like " youre the type of student who always wants to be out doing something, when it comes to the point where you're at home youre not going to care because youre going to be out all the time. " Wow really though? Ugh Okay these are symptoms of my period coming up lmao especially when I talk shizz. Anyways then school was pretty chill, I'm glad I caught up with all my homework and classwork so I slept my way through most of my classes. Muaha. Lunch I went to CCC and there was a speaker there. She was 21? and a missionary. She was basically talking about how there is always going to be false christianity ? I think thats the word.. well how theres going to be a lot of that in the world. like when people think that it's okay to live in sin ? and whatever she said was actually true because you can't be running towards sin and trying to also run towards God. Theyre both in two different directions and you can't go both ways. & like how when you walk towards sin youre turning your back on God. I thought that whatever she had to say was interesting. I love that club ! haha

OMG okay so in 6th period ! we ended class early so we started watching edward scissor hands but I had to use the bathroom so when I went outside and GINO was there. My oh my. So let me update. Previously we were exchanging comments on myspace talking about " what happened after school" and to fill you in we almost " kissed kissed" when we said hi to eachother because i'm sure like thats how everyone says hi nowadays LOL anyways and he said it was a ' goodthing' so that was kinda sweet. Then okay carrying on to what happened when I went to the bathroomm during 6th... Gino was at his locker so I went up to him gave him a hug and kissed him on the cheek and said hi.. he stood there holding me and staring in my eyes... lmfao i was obviously smiling because thats what I always freakin do when i'm speechless and he went in for the kiss ! i think I went in too a little because thats what I do when i'm in the moment but OMG WE KISSED ! lmfao what the random right ! But I told kk, and ritz about it and he's a flirt kinda.. Just like his older brother ! but when I think about it ahha they are exactly the same because his older brother, gerald tried to kiss me too but I didnt fall for it. I have no idea why i fell for the little one tho. LOL jk ugh I get caught up in the moment too much though:l rawr its coool. I don't think I like him like that anyways because we don't even talk like that yaknow ? He's cute and all but I think he has other girls and I'm not trying to get myself caught up in that kinda jizz.. ANYWAYS

haha I went dance after school, Ugh I was quite bored. LOL or I wasn't that hyped as I usually am. I think its kouz I dont have any close friends with me at dance anymore. Urgh I wish i was in badminton. I officially suck at dancing again. ahaha I'm hecka slow. eh whatever. practice makes perfect right ?

But uhm...I just finished my letter to ms berg for english class. I'm trying to gtfo off the internet by 1045 and then go to sleep kouz i'm pretty tired. lala..I think I'm going to end this here. I'm out. G'night folks ! (:

on blast ?!

LMFAO LMFAO LMFAO LMFAO LMFAO LMFAO ! I never knew people were interested in watching mine and desiree's videos from over the summer ! and it is quite hillarious !!!!!!!!!! btw, I AM SO HURT ! no makeup= no bueno !



The "call me up with that chocolate" was another one her friend put on their blog. EW WE ARE THE HURTEST EVERRRR ! LOL ! but you so know it was good times, thanks for SO DENYING it to your friends though desiree.
"aye tho, that's totally not me guys. this is summer desiree. way baaack in the day, hahah."


duhduhduhdduh !
lol ! you suck, makes me sound retarded one time though. anyways !
Today was coool, I didnt have school so I chilled at home. It was suppose to be a kicket day with, renny, amee, ritzy, kk minus ren kouz shes never there but I couldnt go :( It's all good though. I'll see em tomorrow. This day has been filled with music, one tree hill, facebook, and myspace. Woow hella bored right. For some reason I wasnt even signed onto aim either which probably made my day super boring.. Hmmmm....

OH ! Warriors plans got el cancelled because I guess Ritz can't go ? or probably we were too late to replying to the boys. Eh, its cool. but HAY for double dates at the cheesecake factory. The couples are going to be Ritz and Amee & Jonathan and Benny ! LOL so homo but thats how it will be since its a double date with both of our ex's -_- aha

Rawr, I'm so bored ! Today went by so fast though ! Hrrmm.. ANYNEWS ? Oh, "Intensive Innovation" Is requesting that me and Justine perform with them at the next rally ! I was like woah, really now koz uhm.. last I remember it was only like a few people who THEY wanted to be in it but its all good ! i'm pretty happy bout it. LOL I swear it will always be ME AND JUSTINE as a pair in dance club.

So if you can tell I have paragraphs ! LOL kouz someone complained that my blogs were too long ? I suppose ! hah So i've been reading old old old old saved messages in my myspace inbox and old old old saved convo's on aim and I must say I was a bad....bizzaatch ! LMAO like ugh ! I look at it now and I was a ' Ho fasho ' LOL like a flirty ho fasho kinda way. But uhm when I thought about it, I NOW know why I got to '#19'? AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA SO NO BUENO ! but I miss talking to someone. For me now, its like I'm super super aware of who I'm talking to and my guards are so high Idk how I can get em back down. thats a good thing but idk. hahah I guess it just shows how much the boys I talk to dont care as much or dont put in enough effort? xP I kinda want to go to a new school so I can meet new people ! Haha After going to Carlmont yesterday, my taste in boys changed(; OoOo lala for white boys. eheheeek muahah
where the..who the.. what the... Oh my gaaaaaaaaaaaash ! Oh speaking of " on blast ?! " as my tittle, I think I'm going to put my blogspot on blast too kouz aha I don't feel like I'm going to die anytime soon. WELL NVM (knockonwood)... I'm just going to put it out there kouz I can.. Haha well i'm outeezy. howla !





oh yeah ! I forgot to put these up. This was from Sunday ? at Armando's house when we had a " happy baptism ' dinner.. Well these are only a few kouz yeah I was too lazy to save all 71 @ !!! O_O




* oh yup, koz I got the world in my hands(; Ahaaaaa justkidding, breh !

you're the best definition of good intentions

This week is going by so well ! (: I'm really happy. Things are going great, I'm really happy, and IDK things just seem so amazing. Like.. my heart is filled with so much never ending joy. So I asked my parents about Friday and going to the Warriors game with Benny, Ritz, Jonathan, and KK and my parents said I could go. Yeah its pretty crazy because its usually my parents never let me ! Ahh, I guess they trust me ? I love it because now I can prove to them how much they can trust me... but, Anyways.. this is how it went.
So I woke up and went to the bathroom (the usual) brushed my teeth, washed my face, then turned on the straightener, btw my mom was in the bathroom too. So As I was straightening my hair I asked
" Uhm.. Can I go to a Warriors game this Friday ? "
My first thought of how she was going to respond was like "No ! Why do you need to go ? " but she asked me like with who ? Said Kk, Ritz, Benny, and Jonathan. Then she said ' no b/c I dont want to pay for your ticket. ' but whats freaking amazing is the boys are paying for us. So she asked how we were going to get there and I said Benny and she said You have to ask your dad about it first. OMG I was kinda happy because it actually went through my mom. Of course, my mom asked me why I wanted to go she was like " i thought you're not serious about Jonathan and you dont like him ? " and I of course said I dont and I'm not serious about him. &shes right about us not being the same yoke or something because hes way different from me. Like.. the differences between us and our faith. So Yeah before I was leaving I asked my dad and he said " Yeah ! you can go, so you can experience. " Man oh man was I so happy. I confirmed it with my mom with a pinky promise saying that its all trust. I was really happy because now my parents trust me ! Everything is going so well. My relationship with God, the trust with my Parents, and my friends are great ! I Thank God so much for all the blessings he brought into my life(:
Hmm.. what else happened today ? Me and Heather went to our first swim meet this year ! aha It was pretty fun. I was actually with someone too, unlike last year when I didnt have any friends =( Boo haha but checking out really cute white boys are Carlmont was fun ! but wayyyy too cold. haha Tomorrow is a break ! NO SCHOOL. I love February ! haha its the shortest month and the only month with the most Holidays. haha Well.. not too sure if i'm going to waste my time on the internet the whole night. Maybe watch a few movies in my room. Well I'm out for now.

Its a new me.

This weekend has been great. Today has been amazing ! I havent felt so good in so long ! The baptism was awesome ! It's so happy to see alot of people get saved ! there was like.. TEN people ? AW I was talking to desiree about it too :') She gave me like TEARS OF JOY ! haha i love her so much, through everything that we've been through its only made us grow closer and thats amazing !

rockwitdzpnyvibe (9:54:07 PM): AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
rockwitdzpnyvibe (9:54:08 PM): OMG I LOVE YOUUUU
onelilcrazypnay (9:54:16 PM): aw !! you read it !
onelilcrazypnay (9:54:27 PM): haha
rockwitdzpnyvibe (9:54:29 PM): Aww dudee.. i was thinking about your freakin baptism
rockwitdzpnyvibe (9:54:30 PM): i felt sad
rockwitdzpnyvibe (9:54:32 PM): cause i feel like i hold u back
rockwitdzpnyvibe (9:54:38 PM): from being liek the christian youre capable of
rockwitdzpnyvibe (9:54:40 PM): cause i'm like bad around u!
onelilcrazypnay (9:54:41 PM): aw from what ?
rockwitdzpnyvibe (9:54:44 PM): i like hella cuss and gossip
rockwitdzpnyvibe (9:54:46 PM): sighh
onelilcrazypnay (9:54:47 PM): aw !
onelilcrazypnay (9:54:49 PM): dont even !
onelilcrazypnay (9:54:49 PM): dude
rockwitdzpnyvibe (9:54:52 PM): YOURE the one who i feel like i should be on track w/
rockwitdzpnyvibe (9:55:01 PM): awww
rockwitdzpnyvibe (9:55:04 PM): AWwwwwwwww
onelilcrazypnay (9:55:05 PM): AWW !
onelilcrazypnay (9:55:06 PM): stop p!
onelilcrazypnay (9:55:08 PM): dude
rockwitdzpnyvibe (9:55:12 PM): awww hahaha
onelilcrazypnay (9:55:43 PM): we've both been influenced by eachother. sometimes its good and sometimes its bad ! who cares !
onelilcrazypnay (9:55:44 PM): Hhahaha
onelilcrazypnay (9:55:45 PM): stop
onelilcrazypnay (9:55:48 PM): youre makin me sad !
onelilcrazypnay (9:55:49 PM): LMAO
rockwitdzpnyvibe (9:55:53 PM): why?
rockwitdzpnyvibe (9:55:54 PM): its a compliment.
onelilcrazypnay (9:56:00 PM): but dude you have been a big part in my spiritual like.
rockwitdzpnyvibe (9:56:05 PM): AWWWWWWWW
rockwitdzpnyvibe (9:56:12 PM): tear tear
onelilcrazypnay (9:56:14 PM): i dont care bout how much ish we went through or how bad you can be
onelilcrazypnay (9:56:30 PM): you have ! you help me realize wats really good and youre always there for me =(
onelilcrazypnay (9:56:31 PM): AWW
onelilcrazypnay (9:56:32 PM): HAHAHA
onelilcrazypnay (9:56:34 PM): im gnna cry !
onelilcrazypnay (9:56:35 PM): HAHAAH
onelilcrazypnay (9:56:40 PM): its like a speech on aim !
rockwitdzpnyvibe (9:56:43 PM): I KNOW LMFAOOO
rockwitdzpnyvibe (9:56:47 PM): debut speech

haha oh yup. but in all honesty, she has been a great blessing in my life and I Thank God for her. I have no idea where I would be without her and her support.. hahah so ANYWAYS enough with this lovey craap!(;
Jeremy and KK went today! we had lunch after then went home to hang out. We were watching Tiff's cottillion video which was pretty much goodtimes ! i miss that. haha and we were watching part of Shoot Em Up but my parents kept talkin about how we're watching all this bombaliciousness and started getting mad. but its'aall good kouz Im sure i'd do the same. After we dropped Kk off, picked up Julianna, then headed to Armando's house, oh and my dad took Jeremy home kouz hes lame for not staying with us ! Ehehehe just kidding. I really do miss that fool though ! Anyways. Dinner at Armando's was fun ! Kinda short because of stupid school but its cool. It was me, Tiff, Julianna,Armando, His friends, Jeff, Brandon, and Jason. Pretty cool. Ugh ! Okay so Jeff was there and I know I shouldn't be saying anything but he is so cocky =( haha Like urgh idk. NVM thats all I'm saying because I dont want to be talking anything.. Like I'm really trying to change old ways. The old is gone and the new has come. I'm doing a NEW ME. no more cussing, no more 'nigga', no more talking ish, no more drama etc etc. I really want to be a better Christian. like I want to be a good influence to others that they want to do the same. I know its going to be hard because of all the bad habits I had before but I know I can do this. For God and With God(: Well i'm off to bed now. Boo for school tomorrow -_-
Gooooooooodnight(:

two days in a row ?!

These past two days have pretty much been blessings ! I love it. I'm so happy I'm doing better and not too much on the bad side. So yesterday was fun when we went to youthcast and I'm glad i brought kk ! some good ol' youth bonding time at in n out was fun too because we haven't hung out like that in foooooooreeeeever. Tomorrow is Mine, Tiff's, and Jerett's baptism ! I'm kinda excited but scared ! Idk why. but Yay ! i'm glad that maybe the youth is going to go, I think ate dhey ? Idk haha who knows. We actually invited a lot of people ! lol but anywayssss
So today was fun ! :D This morning was so slow because I woke up late but its all good. Me and Tiff were supposed to go running together but i woke up at 11:30AM no bueno, por favor. Then I started cleaning because I knew that me, kk,joshy and wii had to work on our project on human rights. So I cleaned and did my ish and around 3, Kk and her mom came to pick me up and we headed to joshy's house. He lives like.... right next to Jasmyne's house ! At first me and Kk were SOOO annoyed because Jake Taylor was there and he wouldn't show his face and we were gettin a little irritated. Then Carl, Joshy, and Jake were hecka messing around and watching porn ? who knows ... AND were being pervs. Then like when we ate it got a little better because Jake was all kawawa about frances. IT WAS SO CUTE because hes kinda over protective about her and idk. LOL i guess from a girls point of view it was cute. Then Carl and Jake left.. it was kinda quiet aha but after they left we realized that even though they were annoying, we grew to realize they were hecka funny ! Lol Then we were watching Superbad in joshy's room while finishing up the poster and we ended around like 830PM ? ahha we were there for hecka long ! and we took hella pics when we were lagging, oh yup. kouz we're camera whooooorees(;

*BTW, the one where its just me and Josh is my "duhduhduhduhduh face" HAHA

...even though sometimes we may be annoyed at joshy, we still love him a lot ! I'm glad to have these folks in my life. At school its different but when its out, its amazing to find out everyone's real side. Thaaaank You, Lord !<3

you're the best definition.

Aw so today was GLOW for youthcast which was pretty interesting. Yay for the first youthcast that I've been to in FOREVER and the first I brought a friend !(: oh yup for KK ! haha The message was about like being who you are. I love how God works in crazy ways because in my other blog it talks about how I dont know who I am, or what I'm doing and all that confuzzled junk. In the message it talks about how people back in the day were named by their personality and their traits. So I thought about it....Who am I ? What words can describe .. ME ? I'm still not on point on who I am, but I know who I want to be... &Thats a follower of Jesus Christ. I'm glad this week started to get better for me. I guess it was ever since Thursday. I went to Christian Club and even if the message doesnt quite get to me, I still get uplifted by the people in the room. When I walk around my school, I never really realized that a few of those people I have in my classes or see walking around the hallways are also a believer of Christ and thats truly amazing. Especially to see a growing youth at SCHOOL !(: ....So tomorrow is saturday ! Yay for the weekends ! Ahhh This weekend is jam packed. LOL I have a project to do with KK, Joshy, and Wii on human rights and hopefully we finish it all tomorrow at joshy's house. OOO and me and tiff are FINALLY going running in the morning. ahha . ...I'm pretty excited for Sunday. Even though it was sudden and last minute and at first I didnt feel like I could pull through with it, I'm really happy ! I want to do this ! And i love bringing my family and friends together. Well rawr i'm getting tired now. I better get some rest. Gonna go running round 9ish ! G'night, folks.

rough draft.

So.. i'm gettin baptized on sunday ! so soon and I did my testimony. I want to do it on video because haha who knows what I'll do when I say the day of. LOL but I'm not quite sure if its my final but this is what I have for now...


All my life I have been a Christian. I was raised a Christian and went to Christian schools until I began my junior high. I guess you can say things started to change as the years in middle school went by. I became influenced by my peers. Soon enough I was vulnerable to peer pressure and whatever was “in”. I found myself caught up with skipping school, boys, fighting, drinking, and rebelling against my parents. Soon enough I had so much going on I pushed God out of my life. I felt like I lost everything that was important to me: my real friends, my parents trust, and most of all my relationship with God.
It wasn’t until the near end of my middle school and beginning of high school I started to truly take things seriously. My family was a huge impact on my life. They helped me realized what meant most to me and got me back on track with my walk with God by taking me to bible studies, Battle cry which was a Christian concert,
Family Camps and always supporting with heart-filling advice that helped me trust in God.
Making the decision to let God be number one in my life is something that will help me grow spiritually. It’s a step to becoming a better Christian and recommitting my life to Christ. Giving my life to God gives me a reassurance that I will live eternally with Him after my life on earth. I know that I can trust in God through every circumstance because he will always have a plan for me.



I'm still not sure of what my verse is going to be yet but I still have a few in mind. Things are getting better for me. Not too much on the down side anymore which is really good. Although i wanted to do badminton sooo badly, its fine ! Swimming manager again, oh yup.
So Jonathan asked me if I wanted to go to a Warriors game next week with Ritz and Benny ! I really want to go. One because its a WARRIORS game, and Two because ahah i want to hang out for once ! hopefully my parents let me go :l Who knows ! Filipino parents are so strict. But if I do go, I dont want to spark any feelings for him. well uhmm...
Wooootwoot ! Tomorrow is FRIDAY ! Ahhh ! and GLOW for Youthcast. I really want to go, hopefully my dad lets me Xl
I need to get to my homework. Yay for short weeks. Oh how i love February school days. i'm out...

I am...

I have no idea whats up with me lately. I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm mad. Sometimes I seem like i just dont give a darn.. ugh ! Things feel like they're so hard on me, but when I think about it I'm just making it hard on myself. I'm optimistic then I'm pessimistic. I'm yelling, I'm shaking, I'm smiling, I'm laughing... Then I find myself under my pillow crying my eyes out by the end of the day not know who I am or what I'm doing. Who am i ? What am I doing ?




la la la la... life can pretty much suck sometimes. i dont even know what happend to me.

Been A Long Day - Rosi Golan

but i still want to clear things up first...

Frick. idk why I'm so sad. I should be really happy but I'm not satisfied with anything right now. Valentines Day was kinda good.. Jonathan was my valentine again but i didn't really expect anything more to happen than flowers and chocolates.. I mean i kinda knew something would come along but Rawrr, it kinda did take me off guard...
Marcus drove him over to my house so i went outside. He got out of the car with a dozen of roses in his right hand and See's truffles in his left. I was happy to know he was my Valentine again because i can't really think of anyone else I would have been my Valentine considering the fact that I haven't been talking talking to anyone lately.
We were just talking until he said he wanted to ask me something but he was too nervous. Right then and there I knew he wanted to ask me out. So then it came out softly and slowly
" Um.. Will.. you be my girl ? "
I really didn't know how to react to it. Somewhere deep down me wanted to say "Yes" but most of me wanted to say "No" because I knew I never had the complete feeling of affection for him but blah. Although it seemed without guilt when I said "Yes" (because of that damn smile) I did feel guilty giving that answer.
After being with him outside for about five minutes or so, I walked up my stairs looking down holding the roses and chocolates in my arms. I was happy but still surprised because i honestly couldn't imagine myself and him actually having the tittle of "boyfriend" and "girlfriend", or even the just the phrase of "us together".
Of course the first person who I told was Tiffany because she was the one right next to the door when I walked in. I still didn't know how to react to everything. I guess you can say I was happy in a surprised way but I still didn't feel satisfied with the choice I made. I can honestly say I bullshitted when I was talking to Ritz and KK. I may have seemed happy, but... I DON'T KNOW ! I'm really confused.
I really really do love and care for him A LOT. I just don't want to hurt him by breaking it off because he seems so happy about everything that's going on. I know that I shouldn't even be doing things for people but I just really care about him enough to not break his heart. I mean i kinda want to let him be happy for a little bit especially considering that he's kinda been waiting for me for two years. Ugh its just I never did have the whole " I'm sprung " feeling for him.
Also another reason why I feel like I can't go on with our relationship is because I was really hoping that the next boyfriend I would have was someone who was crazy about God. I really don't want to open up my heart to just anyone either. Jonathan may be a really nice, and sweet guy, but that's not just what I'm looking for. I want someone who is Christ like and is growing spiritually. Someone who I can walk with in my faith is someone who I'm looking for.
Rawr I've been watching A walk to remember for the past two days and theres like a part of me that wants to keep going on with this relationship too because I have faith that I can hopefully change him into someone great, but at the same time i don't want to shape someone to be my ideal guy. I want to meet someone the way that they are :( man, I don't even know.


Another thing that is happening in my life is that Me,Tiff, and Jerett are taking classes to become more mature spiritually and get baptised. I really really want to get baptised. But right now I kinda feel like it was my mom's choice for me to take the classes. Right now I don't feel like I'm doing so well in my life. Like there's too many bad things that I'm doing that I don't feel fit to be baptised yet. It's just that high school, friends, boys, drama gets in the way of things sometimes and Ugh I just don't feel like right now is the right time. I should be really really really happy because I know I am. I know I'm going to pull through with it even through all the tough ish going on but Ugh..I guess that's why Jonathan also ties into my whole spiritual problem. Maybe that's why I'm not ready for a relationship yet. Or I'm not ready to change someone with my Faith. I know I truly do want to get baptised because I do want to accept Jesus into my heart, but is it bad to think that it's not the right time to do it yet? I want to change my ways before I do this because I know its going to be a big change in my life.. I just want to roll up in a ball and hide from the world :(
*siggh* Idk.
Lord, please just provide me with strength and guidance.

Your Guardian Angel - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus