caught in a rut.

.. I like him..

tumblr?

.. But I'm not telling you(:


you have to look for me. Pwuahaha.

PEACE.

i miss us.

THE ULTIMATE HATERS.

"STAAR" SISTERS.

i miss last summer so much ! I had so much more memories in probably a month than what I have right now. From dress shopping and getting things ready for Tiff's debut, to days at the pier and taking retakes from three summers ago ? aha. Or being HELLA loud at tapioca express because it was like our whole family laughing or Jessica blowing in Desiree's nose. Or making stupid videos because we were sippin' on that haterade and the stupid drama that always makes our summers memorable. My summer is just okay. I barely have any week long family time hangouts because summer school and cheer is killin' my time ! Definitely miss my girls to the max though ! 6 school days left till I bounce that beeeots. Counting down the days ! :D

weaksauce.

Dude, idk where I'm at right now. I'm so confused with what I want and what I need. The message at bible study really stuck out to me because it was talking about how we need to trust God in order to surrender our life to Him. In our little break out group one of the questions was " What areas in life are easier to surrender to God? Which areas are more difficult? Why do you suppose this ?" First thing that came to mind was my bad habits that I really need to let go of; I automatically thought of my relationships with guys. For some reason its an area of my life that I think is difficult to let go of. I know I'm quite capable of being independent and living my single life but idk for some reason I always want to be in a relationship of some sort. Not exactly a boyfriend but I guess "talking" to someone. I'm not even sure of WHY i strive for someone all the time when I'm pretty darn sure the only guys that I "talk" to are the ones that are no good for me or that I know I shouldn't even be talking to.
But it's like the only reason why I want it so bad is because of the happiness I feel for the moment and then when it's over I'm good while it lasts. Then when I start to lose that good feeling, I try going back to the source. Ugh, its so stupid ! I tell myself that I really want to surrender my life to God, but when I think of these things I know I haven't completely gave my all. What's surrendering ?
*SURRENDER [suh-ren-der]
-verb (used without object)
6. to give oneself up, as into the power of another; submit or yield.
I don't really understand why it's so hard for me to let go of something that I know in the long run will only hurt me. I'm just praying right now. Got to trust God and move forward.

" The Lord says, 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. '
Psalms 32:8

Turn it down.

Uhmm, I believe I need to take these feelings down a notch. Put em back in my glass jar and hide it because I feel like I'm starting to get caught up. Idk, it's just because I don't want to put my feelings on the line when I don't even know what's happening in the long run. Like what we have is pretty cool and I'm enjoying it but I'm not trying to get caught too deep into this hole i dig myself into. "I like you this much" .
Womp Womp Womp.

Today was fun ! I love having family time(: The good family talks make me happy and proud to have such a great family with a great bond. Tomorrow's FRIDAY! Yay !
Well I was just 'webjammin' with Desiree a while ago but now I'm fallin asleep forsure. I meea her. haha. Well...
Until tomorrow...Goodnight world.

ooooooohkieee

So today was pretty fun ! Ugh, i hate how I lie to my parents about who I'm with though -__- but for the least I'm not lying about where I am. (:

Hehe well.. These past few days I haven't been sleeping late because someone doesn't call me back. LOL but its all good, I guess it's nice to have a break from sleeping at like 4AM every once in a while.
Woke up early and took a shower, which is rarely because I hate having to deal with fixing my hair in the short time that I have and what not but just blow drying it came out fine. After walked to KK's house and stayed there for about half an hour because I didn't want to wait at BART for him. When he came it was like 2 ? and the bus never came until like 2:35 ! haha oh well, it was nice just sitting there and talking I guess. The bus ride was pretty.... lovely(; oh surprise surprise ! I love them, He he. When we got Serramonte it was like 3 already and we went to McDonald's so he could get THREE McChickens and down them all one after the other ! haha well he had two and a half because he gave the other half to his homeboy Vika. Pretty cool fellow, haha he's pretty funny too !
So us three were there for about.. 3 hours? haha Yzzree, hella long ! Just so happen to run into Ton-ton and his boys too ! & please tell me WHY things felt like they were gettin' hot when he saw me with yeah and his boy ? Dude " Tell your homeboy I said hi " wth is that supposed to mean though ? I wasn't scared it was just, I've never ever seen you like this ! Through the two years I've known you; and four months with you gone, you come back thinking EVERYTHING is going to be the same and just because you see me with another n/gg, you and your boys are gonna try and pull something ? Nah, that's not even the business. Idk, at first I was kinda shocked because I didn't know that your feelings were still that strong and I guess I thought it was cute for a second.... Then I thought about it again and NAH you can't be expecting so much when we barely talk.
Aww but dude, poor kidd was hella paranoid after. LOL he's gone though so much ish with all my friends ! LMFAO. its cool though. (;
Well, A WEEK AND A HALF TILL SCHOOL IS OVER ! haha maybe by then my summer will FINALLY start -__- Sac one time ? haha
haha, well until next time...

PCE !

(6:04:03 PM): You my girl!

Aha, I'm disregarding the IM after that though... aha Wow, I guess I proved myself wrong in this whole game that we play. I thought my difficulty level could withstand this "thing" we have but I don't even know(; Its because you know my weaknesses! LOL & that's bad !
(5:44:44 PM): :-)
(5:44:50 PM): Imy
(5:44:55 PM): :-)
(5:45:03 PM): Imy!
DUDE; I'm trippin' yo, but most definitely not falling ! Uhmmm, I don't know. Aha I really enjoy having these happy giddy feelings everyday. And the big butterflies in my stomach. Haha, and the small arguments we have that you back down to !!!!(;
(5:30:03 PM): Idont wanna be mad at you
(5:30:10 PM): Kay?
Ehehee. Oh ! And I can't forget the "surprises". I'm sure there's much more but Igig, we'll see...

Trouble Sleeping - Corinne Bailey Rae

Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'll never give in
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me I don't see myself
Couldn't I blame something else?
Just don't say I'm falling in love

Long time

..No blog though !

Deng, I used to blog like every day too ! haha Hmm, Because I haven't been too emotional to blog bout anything i guess or because there's not really any news. Well there is, but .. we'll see where this entry takes me.

My summer is not the business this year :( Last year was super crackin, but this one is just.. okay. It's because I haven't entirely been with family a whole lot. Too busy with summer school, and cheer. But its pretty cool because I wouldn't want to be stuck at home not doing anything either.

I miss being with family so much ! like to sleep overs that lasted a week or so. Or the late night hypes ! Aww, goodtimes. Then again maybe because this year is a break from all the cotillions. Geez, imagine when Liana finally has hers ? next one would be... JADE ! Oh Cripes, that's seven years after mine. IM GOING TO BE OLD ! :l hahaha
Well, actually there is going to be family parties this year ! Both of my grandma's are having parties for their birthday. My grandma on my dad's side is having a bigger party then usual because it might be her last birthday =/ God willing, her stay here extends.

And for my grandma on my mom's side, its supposed to be a surprise party + Uncle Dennis' birthday. woot woot, can't wait ! aha my mom's asking that we do a dance again just for fun. Bring on the cute choreographers for me and my homeboyee !(; haha but it's nothing serious, we just want another highlight for our summer. Ahahaha hella bad !

DUDE, lmfao another blog about Desiree ?

i miss her !! :( hahah I swear, i'm so lost when we go for a long period of time without each other. eheheheek ! Dude, seriously. Every time me and or her are in something we ALWAYS have the same problem. HAHA

So here I am again in my same situations, I hate it so much ! Frontin about my feelings and what not ? Not that cute. I'm pretty happy about things but, there's always that one little problem that just so happens to be the big main problem. Hella kickets on the low. I guess we kinda crossed that thin line, but aha I kinda already had the feeling that it was bound to happen, I just didn't know when. My guards are up and they're pretty sturdy so I'm sure I won't be falling anytime soon. I'll just see where things go, i suppose.

PCE.

womp.

Back to listening to Secondhand Serenade....

Suprises.

Same crap, different person each time.
But, I'm hoping this ones different from the rest.

its crazy.

My week has been filled with so many ups and downs. but of course, I still want to praise God.
I'm not sure of how I'm feeling right now though.
I've been praying for my sister for so long. I told myself i would just step aside and let God do his work, but I totally just bursted today. I'm not exactly sure of how she took it. I'm glad that all my feelings that were bottled up about her were out there, but i guess i'm just afraid of hurting our relationship.
I'm really just praying for the best.

Lord, I need you so much right now !

Lord, I'm praying that you work within my family and bring them back to you like what you did to me.

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

Hebrews 4:16

One Desire - Hillsong

Lord I'm amazed by You.

I'm really happy I got to go to CGCF's Youth Retreat this year. Pretty much have to give props to "My favorite Cousin Ever", Jeremy. He really encouraged me to go and I'm pretty sure without him I wouldn't have gone :( but anyways.
This weekend was so much fun ! I really didn't want the retreat to end. I got to meet new people, and bond with my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I haven't felt so close to God in so long ! I really really do love this feeling of coming back home happy and so filled with God. I was super emotional at the retreat. I began to think of important people in my life who I wish would have came.
I learned a lot about trusting in God and letting him lead the way in my life because a lot of times I choose to do things on my own. (twin, I know I didn't say this in our break out group, sorry aha.) I kinda related to Rachel's testimony when she said she was trying to look for happiness in love and friends and what not. & there have been multiple times where I thought that boys, friends and fun could make the worries go away. I always tried to look for love in all the wrong places, or spent most of my time with friends to help alleviate the emptiness I had.
"Give all your worries and care to God, for he cares about you." (1 Peter 5:7)
At the retreat is where I realized that what could have filled that emptiness inside of me was in front of me all along. It was God.
I didn't truly put all my trust in Him when I should have. I prayed for him to give me guidance, but I don't think I completely put my heart into it when I knew that I should have.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

I learned that to trust God is to give your all even when you don't understand why you're in icky situations. Trusting in Him is leaning on him and knowing that he won't ever let you down because God knows our future and knows whats right for us.
Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. (Ephesians 3:20)

How about a round of applause.

Give it up to the best team that made me cry when I usually don't.
Hoo rah for parents ! -__-
Wow, I usually don't cry when someone yells at me unless I'm super pissed, but its just the fact that one parent after the other keeps yelling at me about things that I don't know the answer to.
Omg, and its so rare that my dad yells at me ! Wow, it's not that I'm pissed right now because I'm not; I'm still pretty absorbed in the fact that I get to go to Youth Camp. It's just it would be nice if you turned down your tones a couple noches. K thanks !

Memorial Day

"I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even after dying. Everyone who lives in me and believes in me Will never ever die."
John 11:25-26

uhh ?

For some reason, I feel really sad. I'm not even sure of why I am. I'm pretty content with life right now, but not entirely satisfied. Like.. It would be nice if I had more to life.
I completely forgot what it felt like to be in a serious "talking" relationship. Maybe that's it. I'm unsatisfied because I have no significant other. but then again, I know it's not even that ! I'm waaay better than that.
Hmmm...
I'm starting to do second thinking on cheer. I shouldn't even be doing that ! It's just I really don't want to get pulled away from the things that I usually do over the summer.. Like church retreats; Summer is usually the time where I grow closer to God, and I don't want to miss that chance especially when I need it the most.
La la la..
I'm so... I don't know how to explain it.. Melancholy, Sad, Confused, dull, upset, troubled ?

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and he saves those whose spirits have been crushed

Psalm 34:18

you're really lovely.

I may be hiding behind my pretty little smile, but underneath it all is something only I know...

... lmao well apparently, Desiree too. Gaaahhh

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6

imy

" No goodbyes, just see you later.. It aint over yet. "

-Jonathan Bonifacio c/o 2009

get your swagga going.

"Dawg, you can't even stand on your own two feet."

Chicks with dicks don't belong in my mix. Off top, you're a complete turn off.

-___-

PEACE.

Happy Birthday, KK

Swag Surfin' KK, Jerkin' Ritz, &Swag Surfin' Amee.

CHECK US OUT !

I made some cracckin' brownies(: I'm not too sure about my drawing though O.o but I herra love you KK ! Happy Birthday<3

These soles are useless without you.

I didn't realize how this school year has passed so quickly. Half way finished with High School ? When I think about it, the next September I'm going to already be starting my senior year ! Geez ! but I kinda can't wait to get out of this heezy and move in with some folks, party hard, and then the next day lay on the couch hung over(; Taaaha Nah, not really..
Well I'm super excited for my upcoming Junior year at El Camino.
Gaahh, Herra expenses :( I hate how I can't do much to help, but I'm going to promise myself that when I am able to do something, I'ma do it big and give back to my parents.
This summer is going to be jam packed with cheer. I'm so stoked for Cheer Camp at Davis though ! New experience and a great way to bond with my cheer sisters. I really hope it doesn't take me away from my family though because I don't think there's a summer where I didn't spend time with my cousins.

23 MORE DAYS till he comes home. We miss you over here, Jon.<3

Any news?
__ Naah, not much. I need to meet new folks, because the one's I'm around ain't too cute anymore -__-
Tomorrow's KK's birthday. Baked her some crackin' brownies with white chocolate in it though, holla ! :D Hopefully I make it to her party on Saturday, if not I'll be in Vallejo. But then again I can't really complain with that.
I haven't gone to Bible Study in over... A month and a half, i suppose? I really hate this feeling of being so far away from God. No matter how hard I try, I never seem to be in the genuine heart of worship. This really sucks. Hopefully we can go this upcoming Friday. OH Rawr, I don't even think I'm going to any retreats this summer either, well that's unless I find a sponsor. Gaahh. Or maybe I might go with Desiree's youth because it's only $20.

Well.. I'm out for now. 11 More school days left ! Peace.

lock 'em and load 'em.

" .. and I am torn to do what I have to. To make you mine, stay with me tonight "

So I realized that most likely I'm going to AT LEAST spend maybe a week i hope with lalala homeboy in sac; & REALLY though can we PLEASE promise no more drama !.. even though they're kinda highlights of our summer. AHAA. But the least be straight forward about our affairs. -___- EHEHEEE !

see'in you round.

" tell Amethyst that I love her and miss her and that I'm coming home soon. "

Tonton's Coming out June 12 ! Counting down the days :D
I really really do miss him. Apparently, he didn't receive any of my letters :( but its all good, I'll write one and send it with John's or something. So when he comes out I guess everyone's going to Dave and Busters? aha dude, I'm so happy ! I think he's out a month early ? Check you out ! i love you and miss you Jonathan. see you round.

scary movies suck.

You know in horror films when there's that stupid character that tries to save themselves instead of waiting for help? and you're sitting there watching, screaming at the television set because you know for a fact that there's going to be something bad coming, but you can't just get in the way and tell that character which way to go because.. it's a movie?
YEAH, RIGHT?! I believe I was a character in that kind film. I tried, obviously didn't get through, so I decided to just "step aside" and let the character make their own decision. Now I sit as the audience, watching this horrible film take action, knowing what the consequences will be; but I can't do anything about it.
It sucks to just sit there and watch while you see problems arise as you notice every decision the character shouldn't have made so they wouldn't be tangled up in the icky situation that's ahead of them.

I hope you understand clearly what you're getting yourself into. I need to realize that its not my decision, and I really should just get out of your way. I shouldn't lead you in any direction because you take the steps.

" Your sister would like me to remind you that she needs grace. Just like you need forgiveness, so does she. There comes a time in every relationship when its damaging to seek justice, when settling the score only stirs the fire. there comes a time when the best thing you can do is accept your brother and offer him the same grace you've been given. "

When I read this it made me think of you. Maybe it was just the first sentence that stuck out to me and directed it to you. I just need to let it go and let you take your own road. I'm praying that whatever choices you make, it will lead you to somewhere in God's plan so that He may work his way with you.

WANTED

I would just love to let you know that I honestly don't know what you sound, look, smell, whatever the frick there is to know about you because i haven't seen or even spoken to you on the phone in forever. Rarely any late night hypes where we'd call each other at night and talk for hella long. -__-
I'm hella homo but.. i miss you hella much, ugly ! i haven't made fun of anyone or laughed as hard as i have ever laughed with you. Eheheheek ! hahah this is to you ugly, idk if youre catching my drift with the bolds though. AHA holla.

Last seen: CHRISTMAS 2008
Name: Desiree Seisa
DOB: March 21,1992
Height: 5'3 ? she herra tall
Hair: ? (she changes it too much)
Eyes: Brown and chinky
Ethnicity: Filipino


*the ugly chaank on the left side of this picture

Corona and Lime - Shwayze

Life of a swim manager

Today was hella crazy. I have never ever ever gotten left behind at school; Well not just me, Heather and Stacy too ! lol We were supposed to hitch a ride with Ryan, but he had a frickin chiropractic appointment so heather's mom picked us up because she told her that "a swimmer was left behind" LOL The PAL meet was pretty awesome. herraaaaa cuties at Terra Nova. Kinda wish i went to a white school. LOL Got my eye on a tiger. Holla ! Today was hecka fun over all. Just waiting on a random number to text me so it can top everything off(;

Cupcake no fillin' ?

I'm a sucka for anything. Ugh, I hella gave in . Just let me know where we're at one time because it's not my usual that I kiss guys i don't 'talk' to. -____-



"Pacquiao put Hatton to sleep. Sang him a little lullaby called 'here's my left' !" BOOM ! Pacquiao hella won ! hahah KTFO before the 2nd round even ended? -- hella beast. Yeah, i didn't watch it live because my parents are weird o.O but I did watch it on the internet. lmfao same ish.
i'm outeezy.

wsup, playa ?

I was hella trippin', but now I see where I stand. You're exactly like your brother & that really is not cuttin' it for me...well that's until I start to see more of you and less of your bro. Until then... NEXT !(:

So today was the last swim meet; I hella regret missing all those meets before though -__- but its all good. Next week for sure I'm going to the PALs. Haha, okay so this year everyone got thrown into the pool ! It was so funny ! Heather was like the first ! then she came back out and grabbed me :( lmfao When I thought about it, last year, I HERRA bounced right when the meet ended because I wasn't even close to anyone to be throwin' me in the pool. HAHA. but today was hella good times. I better see some pictures in the year book(;


Peace.

Trippin'..

..But not fallin'.

Damn, I can't be doing this.

What's good ?...God's good.

Crackin' week in the 'V' with my roll dawgs. Ken came home from the Philippines Friday night. Saturday he slept in most of the day while ate dhey was at work and me and Tiff took care of the boys and helped Auntie and Ninong go grocery shopping. Later, we went to Delo's party for a little bit, *Aheeem* is hella hott(; dilf tho? EHEHEEK haaay !
The next day Tiff hella got a makeover, but she got in trouble by my dad. -__- Hella got put on blast at Uncle Dodo's though; just because she didn't tell him? She's 18 ! Chill out, Daddy O. I heard my mom tried to back her up, but my dad just wasn't taking it. Oh when we got home from Vallejo I got yelled at too so i was pretty pissed. Today, I woke up and I missed my family. Tiff took Bart to school because my dad says he doesn't want tiff using him anymore? Whatever the heck that means. OH I made Varsity Cheer! Hella happy ! Hmmm.. I suppose Tiff will take Bart home later too since she's grounded and then we'll all be home safe, God willing. Oh and dad will still be pissed, but whogaf ?(;

* Sistah sistah ! Tiff's hot ! holla holla holla holla !

ya herra lah meh<3

*Muah, everyday though? i'm hella lovin' it.

No more try outs for cheer, so I'm not as busy anymore -__- but it's all good. praying that when the results come in, I'm in ! Aaah !




Heeewla hurrt, but oh so catchy O.o

SLEEPY FUCKIN D - SLEEPY D

not the business.

I don't know why, but I'm hella crying.

Happiness - The Fray