weaksauce.

Dude, idk where I'm at right now. I'm so confused with what I want and what I need. The message at bible study really stuck out to me because it was talking about how we need to trust God in order to surrender our life to Him. In our little break out group one of the questions was " What areas in life are easier to surrender to God? Which areas are more difficult? Why do you suppose this ?" First thing that came to mind was my bad habits that I really need to let go of; I automatically thought of my relationships with guys. For some reason its an area of my life that I think is difficult to let go of. I know I'm quite capable of being independent and living my single life but idk for some reason I always want to be in a relationship of some sort. Not exactly a boyfriend but I guess "talking" to someone. I'm not even sure of WHY i strive for someone all the time when I'm pretty darn sure the only guys that I "talk" to are the ones that are no good for me or that I know I shouldn't even be talking to.
But it's like the only reason why I want it so bad is because of the happiness I feel for the moment and then when it's over I'm good while it lasts. Then when I start to lose that good feeling, I try going back to the source. Ugh, its so stupid ! I tell myself that I really want to surrender my life to God, but when I think of these things I know I haven't completely gave my all. What's surrendering ?
*SURRENDER [suh-ren-der]
-verb (used without object)
6. to give oneself up, as into the power of another; submit or yield.
I don't really understand why it's so hard for me to let go of something that I know in the long run will only hurt me. I'm just praying right now. Got to trust God and move forward.

" The Lord says, 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. '
Psalms 32:8